For all of you who have ever played the game Oblivion, you know that it is arguably the most addictive game on the face of the gaming industry. Even those of you who never liked playing computer games before, you have found yourself spending more time playing this game than you spend eating, sleeping, or bathing. I know this because I am one of you sad pathetic people who, through Bethesda Software's cunning antics, have allowed your soul to be eaten.

However, I have devised a plan to reincarnate souls and stop the madness before it completely and utterly consumes you. This is my OAA (Oblivion Addicts Anonymous) 12 Step Program. Follow these steps and you may, in a decent and healthy amount of time, be cured.

Step 1 Put down the mouse/controller. You will immediately feel something strange in the back of your mind, urging you to keep pressing the W key, but don't give in. Hands off the keyboard.

Step 2 Exit the game. Press the Escape key, and don't save. You may be thinking, "But I just finished a quest!" or "I just picked up 200 gold!" This is for your own good.

Step 3 Stop downloading mods. Don't even look up mods anymore. Delete the recommended mod lists from your bookmarks and don't look back. Throw out or delete any bookmarks for Oblivion cheat codes, hints, walkthroughs, etc. Clear your browser of cookies and history so that there is nothing left related to the Oblivion world when you open up your browser.

Step 4 Take the CD out of your computer/disc out of your Xbox. Place it back into its original case. This way, you will not be able to play it as easily as just double clicking the shortcut or turning on the game system.

Step 5 Ask a friend for help. You need to hide the Oblivion case with the CDs/discs in them, and the best way to do this is to ask someone else to hide it for you.

Step 6 Drink plenty of water, eat a big meal, and shower. These basic necessities will help to subdue the pain of withdrawal.

Step 7 Engage in several non-Oblivion-related activities, like going outside for the first time in days, weeks or months to obtain some much-needed vitamin D, going to the grocery store to resupply your empty and/or moldy fridge, or sleeping.

Step 8 Call up a friend who you've been neglecting in favor of your addiction. Apologize for not being around and ask if they wouldn't mind hanging out. Do an activity together that doesn't involve a computer or Xbox.

Step 9 Test yourself. Open the Oblivion data folder and erase all the mods you have downloaded. It will be painful, but you can do it. If you're having trouble, ask a friend to do it for you.

Step 10 This is the hardest step of all. Uninstall the game from your hard drive. You will no longer have your saved games. You won't have any way of getting the game itself back without finding the disc which has been hidden. Take your time to let this fact sink in, and then click the uninstall button.

Step 11 Your friend may give the Oblivion case back to you when you have not played Oblivion in two months. This will be your final test: you can either keep it, give it away, or sell it to the nearest game store. If you keep it, don't play it, or you'll have to start back at step 1 all over again.

Step 12 Breathe. You have succeeded in regaining your soul and your livelihood. Congratulations!

How to Write a Review
As we all know, feedback is an essential part of the writing process. Without it, readers couldn't put in their two cents about what they've read and writers would never know the quality of their work. The review is not only a way of communication between the reader and the author, but a scale of value.

It may not seem like a big deal when you lazily click the "Submit A Review" button, but to the author this means something incredible: someone has read their story. You may be thinking, "Big whoop. There are thousands of stories on this website." And that's exactly the point. There are thousands of stories, and out of those thousands, someone chose theirs. It's a big deal.


TYPES OF REVIEWS

A review can be placed into several different categories.

There are flames, which are the worst kind of review. They tell the author absolutely nothing about their story except that it apparently "sucks ass" and doesn't deserve to have a place in literature, normally using an excessive amount of insults and cussing to complete this task. These are written by people who get their rocks off on making 12-year-old girls cry. There are three ways an author will react to a flame. They will (1) become inflamed with self-pity and drop drastically in self-esteem, in some cases leading to hysterical crying. They can (2) become so angry that they reply to the flamer with a detailed description of why the flamer is wrong or babble obnoxious insults that have no meaning, which the flamer (who will never change their viewpoint and doesn't give a shit what you think) will not read, or they will (3) dismiss it outright because their story is too good to be put down by some stupid flamer. No matter how the author reacts, it makes no difference. The flame is completely useless (though in some cases kind of amusing).

I am not a retard, my dear twat. Unlike you, I do not need someone telling me that the viewpoint has changed. If you were a half decent author instead of a shitty little fanbrat, the description of your writing would be sufficient enough to show whose PoV it is.

Next up, we have the space bar. This magical instrument has the power to...make a space. Even after a comma!

The fact is, fucktard, you are clearly an illiterate asswipe who has no fucking idea about punctuation, spelling, or 'talent' in the writing department (or any department, for that matter). You have the longest, most retarded run on sentences I have ever seen (the period button is there for a fucking reason, dickwad), and you seem to easily get confused between 'there' and 'their.'

'There' is used, for example, in reference to places: "Get your whore ass over there, woman."

'Their' is used to reference when something belongs to someone: "My friends are so lucky. Their wimminz make them sammiches. GTFO of here and go into the kitchen where you belong, bitch!"

[...] Get this shit off the site. It's nothing more than a pile of illiterate sludge you sucked up after experimenting with crystal meth. Anonymous

There are 3-worders, which are frivolous phrases capitalized and separated only by a series of exclamation points and, on occasion, 1's. These usually consist of expressions such as “I LUV IT!!” or “omg plz rite more1!!” The struggle for authors with these types of reviews is that they must determine from those 3-word sentences whether or not the reviewer actually had an interest in it and whether the reviewer is reliable. Of course the actual phrasing hints to a number ten on the scale, but was that pity, genuine or careless?

LOL this was good. the-original-hufflepuff

The main cause of a pity review is the low review count a story has. In this case, it’s difficult to tell whether the reviewer is serious or trying desperately to stay awake long enough to comment on something in the story to make it look genuine. Genuine is very hard to decipher from a careless critique. When someone who has all the time in the world goes from fic to fic, raping the “Submit A Review” button and calling people “dude” more than is necessary, it’s likely they don’t really care about your story. The most logical explanation for this is because they believe that if they review your story, you will read and review one of theirs.

Poor Sirius. He never deserved parents like his! He's a good guy, that's why he cares. Siriusly Loopy

The update reviews tell you absolutely nothing except that someone read your story. These reviews consist of a sentence that merely relates their wish for you to “please update soon!” They fail to mention why they would like the story updated, and therefore lack the encouragement an author needs to continue their story. How does the author know that the reader only wants to continue reading your story because they want to make fun of it? An author does not know why the reviewer enjoyed the story, or even that they did. How does that instill confidence enough to continue?

I LOVED it!! Please, please write more!! Dazzle Me Again

The genuine review is hard to come by. Basically, you can factor out a pity review and a 3-worder when the review is longer than two sentences. That leaves only flame and genuine. When a reviewer is actually interested in your story, they will say whether they found it exciting, inspiring, heartbreaking or morbid and the reasons why they thought so. Generally, they will have specific comments to include as to their reasoning for their interest and they will also tell you specific things they did not like about your story. This is not meant to be disheartening, like a flame would be, but is meant to help improve your writing (a.k.a. constructive criticism).

This was very nicely written. There were a few little snippets that stood out to me in particular:

'He could face Hermione. It was just Hermione. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? It was Hermione.' This to me was so telling of their relationship... I loved that you conveyed that without going into a huge page-long paragraph about it and that you didn't have Harry try to "justify" his feelings as we often see happen in fanfiction before they get together (I admit it, I get impatient easily).

'Harry watched her lips move, watched her eyes gazing at him, at the ceiling for emphasis. Impulse. Strange, wicked, unbelievably strong impulse.' Hermione's rant was something I could very well see her doing, and Harry's reaction to her was in keeping with passing thoughts he's had of her in the book -- but you successfully took it to a whole new level.

'And, without thinking about how incredibly horrible what he had just done was, he missed her already.' I loved this last line. It was the perfect way to end the fic, although of course I would have loved more. :)

Constructively, I think that the beginning could have been a little stronger -- possibly make it a little more humorous? It would have been a really nice touch to see Harry reflecting kind of sardonically on the whole thing, which you kind of started to do but didn't really go into. I also think that humor would have strengthened his "confession" a little bit -- maybe give a few extra details about Hermione's expression, hand gestures, etc. while she's ranting or go deeper into Harry's discomfort.

At first I wasn't too fond of Hermione breaking down in tears, but then cannon came to mind and I realized it would actually be pretty in character considering everything else she has on her plate at the moment.

Anyway, I hope that this very vague, rambling review helped you some. I enjoyed reading your story. :) Tears of Mercury

WRITING A REVIEW

( There's way too much here not to cut it. )



Once you've finished answering the questions, you have completed a GOOD REVIEW. Pat yourself on the back, my friend. Not many people can say they've accomplished so great a task.

Oh, and you're probably wondering why the hell you should care to write a review this long when it doesn't benefit yourself. Good question!

1. If you want better writing on the site you publish your work on, help the other writers on the site write better. That's just about as simple as I can make it.


2. And if you want reviews on your own work, write good reviews of other people's stories. Undoubtedly when someone sees your long-ass review, they'll read and review your work so that you'll review theirs. You don't have to reciprocate if you don't want to, but you will have more people reading your stuff.

Think about it, cuz it's worth it.

And if you've read this and still only write crap reviews ... I give up.

MOVIE PREVIEW:
This movie is the perfection of an Oscar Wilde classic turned modern, portraying one man's masterpiece and another's greatest mistake, both in the visage of a man named Dorian Gray.

An orphaned young man is cast helplessly into a whirlwind of frivolous snobs, unfamiliar with the illustrated presence he must convey to his sudden peers. His only mentor is an abrasive and uncouth man who decides his Hedonistic influence could not be wasted on such a ideal pupil. Dorian clasps tightly to the traits he once held dear, but Harry's strong sway is too great to brush aside.

He leaves his kind, selfless attributes behind for a new life, indulging in every pleasure of his heart and mind, blind to the morality of it. He begins all too readily, leaving every trace of the new life within the frames of the once-beautiful portrait made of him.

Forever young and forever beautiful, the only thing now worrying Dorian is the chance that someone might look upon his portrait to discover his true image and how his soul has decayed from what sins he has committed. Though he cannot bring himself to destroy his atrocious likeness himself, he longs to be forgiven. But who could forgive a man with so many sins, and who can bare to look upon a man with so little heart?

View the Masterpiece

SCORE: I didn't mention it before, but it may be one of the best scores fit to a film as I have ever heard. Beginning with the soft innocence of Dorian's character, it is then revised as he transitions into whatever thing he becomes, sounding ever closer, louder, and more vile as the time Gray seems to control carries on about him.

01 the perfect picture
02 catch the falling sky

Now I am going to try to be the most non-bias Supernatural fan as it comes down to the Dean v. Sam situation, because of this article. But undoubtedly I will side with Dean, because he's my homeboy and I...am going to stop now before you even read the article.

Give me your opinions when you're done reading! =D

( Article 'Papa Winchester is a Rolling Stone' )

I'm sorry, but there is just so much bullshit to wade through with this article, I'm having trouble getting to my opinion. So I'll give you some other people's opinions, some posters on BuddyTV that commented on the article. Some I agree with, some I don't. I'll label.

( Fan opinions about the above article. )

So there's a hell of a lot of opinions there for you.

I think in some parts, the writer has a point. But in others, it's just like "What?" I don't know how well the writer knows the show - he may have just been given the assignment and went with it, which I can understand and can respect - but reporters gotta do their research, babe.

( The rest of my opinion. )